Man, I don't know what to do.

I know I'm applying to Berkeley and Purdue. Probably to Carnegie Mellon. Maybe.

The more I think about it, the more I'm tempted to just go for it and apply for/consider a PhD program right away.

Aww, but there are plusses and minuses. The PhD work would be more interesting and challenging and would better facilitate my interests. Master's work would be much shorter and would get me out of school quicker an into the job market.

See, that's sort of the plan. Study for a year or two and then get a job, see how much I enjoy it, and then decide whether to go back to school.

I've never experienced a single bit of overt pressure with regards to my schooling, yet, in this decision, I feel pressure to not go completely crazy with school. Maybe that's an imagined force, I don't know.

I was fairly comfortable with the Master's route, but when I look at these programs, often the Master's degree is a bit less than what I'd like: no thesis, just relatively basic training in traditional statistical methods. Which is cool, but my ultimate goal is to dig deeper than "traditional methods".

I was thinking, I think my career dream would be to someday teach statistics at OSU or the U of O. Wouldn't that be cool?

And the other thing I thought was (something like): "Am I 22 or 23? I think I'm 23 ... let me calculate, yep, 23, no wait, that can't be right, oh yeah, whew, 22."

I'm drained.

I took the GRE, which was very draining, especially the first quantitative section. Quite a bit of pressure to get it all figured out while the timer's just ticking away and you know you're taking too long... It was worth it though, because the score I got just blew away both my expectations and how I felt about the test as I was taking it. I retained my score on the qualitative (which I'm satisfied with), and did as well as I possibly could have, at least score-wise, on the quantitative. My preparation paid off.

And then my work, wow, that's stressing me out. You know how it goes sometimes, when things don't go very smoothly, and then they get even more complicated and you just want to be done with it! That's what I feel like. I have a lull in my schoolwork, but this work stuff is crazy.

But I'm off to go out to eat with BB (a boy, *smile*) and try to put work out of my mind until tomorrow.

Yee-ha!

Can Relationships be Reduced to Math?

Let's hypothesize about relationships a little bit, based on extremely limited, anecdotal evidence. I want to think about how one person relates to another as a function of how "close" they are to each other.

I've noted before that people seem to be very cordial--very nice--to me in general. People that I work with, people that I got to school with, many of the people in church--there's very little antagonism going on. The common theme among most of the people in my arbitrary groups is that they're acquaintances, by and large, not people that I live and die with, not people that I bare my soul to.

Ok, but fade back in that continuum of "knowing" a person. Now you're barely acquaintances, or maybe you don't even know the person at all. Let the venom come. We had a TA lecture for the first part of my Optimization class this afternoon. People were rude, they sighed, they talked, they acted like they were too cool for whatever--they were mean. Because they didn't respect the TA, I guess. People say stuff about Kobe Bryant, John Kerry, and the former mayor of Brownsville that they wouldn't dream of saying if they knew them personally.

Now, get in my face. If you know me, if you know anybody really well, you'll probably clash with them at some point. Think about domestic violence, think about violence in general. Often (usually?) things happen between people that knew each other well. Either that, or someone kills someone else because they were getting involved with the one dude's girlfriend. You crash into the people you're closest to, you just clash with them sometimes.

So, as far as geniality goes, I think we have something of a bell-shaped curve, with level of geniality as a function of how well you know the person. If the knowledge of the person is low, the "niceness" will be low. Once you start to get to know them better, the "niceness" will increase a lot, you'll have lots of positive (though surface) relations. But then as you increase the closeness of the relationship, as you get really close to a person, the "niceness" factor will once again be reduced.

These are obviously generalization that can be defied by personality types, the transforming power of Christ, and probably other things. But generally this holds true, I think.

Notice, that by "niceness" I do not mean "love." Love is very different, more like an exponential, because generally the closer you become to a person, the more you love them. You don't love people (except, perhaps, in a very broad sense) that you don't know. You love, only slightly more, people that you are acquainted with. But when you get close to a person, your love for them increases like mad.
Like "mad," ha ha!

I wonder who's better at probability, mathematicians or statisticians?

Things are getting hectic, this hecticity centering particularly around my two work projects.

Research-wise, we're basically trying to run in muck, spinning our wheels. That's what it feels like, we're not making progress and we've been on this particular part--empirical testing--for months. And B and I have been so busy we haven't had a chance to really sit down and put good time in.

Then at the other place, I'm feeling the pressure because of a job that is resurrecting itself and on a very constrictive time schedule.

But in good, worthwhile news, God is working in the lives of people that I know, He's really working!

Another thing that's contributing to my stress is, perhaps, God Himself. He may be speaking to me, but I can't quite be sure.

But I may have answered my own question.

I had a midterm in my Optimization class. It was a tough test--mostly fair (though a little on the long side), but very tough. I would be surprised if anyone aced it, I know I didn't.

Did you ever just gasp in wonderment about how polite people are? Like this morning, I meet a couple of school chums on the way to class and they ask me a technical question about another class. I think I know what they're saying, but really I miss the point completely. My answer must be completely mystifying to them. Then, after class, we revisit the concept, and I still am completely missing their meaning. Yet their responses are no more troubled than a furrowing of the brow. It's only after we walk a little ways that I realize what they're actually wondering about. Of course, I have an opinion on that too, and it turns out to be wrong as well.

Google Game

I can't remember the name of this game. The idea is to think of two words and search for them on google. If you come up with a single unique entry, you win!

We did it with "uniformitarianism" and "chanticleer". Now, once I post this, I wonder if it'll ruin this set. But I can't remember the name of the game, someone tell me.

Rhyming "mouth" and "youth"

Yay for hymns, but sometimes you just have to shake your head regarding their lyrical construction. I have fond memories of Tom and I looking at each other during church when a particularly bad rhyme was manifesting itself. Like one we sang this morning. It starts out strong, rhyming "proclaim" and "name", but it goes downhill from there, trying to rhyme things like "save" and "have" and "extol" and "all".

It's like they were translated by someone who didn't know English well. Maybe they were. This particular lyric (Ye Servants of God) was written by Charles Wesley.

Comically Busy

I had a list, today, of things to do. It ended up with 18 items on it, and some of the items had sub-tasks composing them.

I got quite a few important ones done. I took two quantitative GRE tests, and had very good success, which makes me wonder if the CD I was using artificially pumps up scores to give confidence and make you think their preparation methods are working for you. But then, I did a verbal test too and scored poorly. I guess we'll see on Thursday, when the real thing, part deux, happens.

I'm involved in our church fellowship's annual meeting, both in giving a report for a committee I'm on and speaking on "Joseph: rewards for following God's principles," in relation to his heroic put-off of an angling and available woman who presented herself to him. Dude, she was probably beautiful, he was a young man, no one would ever know... Just thinking and reading on it for a relatively short time, there are many, many "principles" at play. Be sure your sin will find you out. Make a covenant with your eyes (and heart). You'll reap what you sow. Honor God. Don't betray trust. On and on.

I did some AHQ business. I'm not a very good bookkeeper. Thankfully, even without singing actively, we have a steady though small income through mail orders.

I studied a little, for a test on Monday. Not enough. I've had two midterms, both of which went very well. This one coming up is scary, because the prof could make it undoable, and he has a reputation for being a fairly tough tester at times (i.e. my 57.5% last term). KK, no curve in this class either.

I signed up for Juno MegaMail, which is necessary if I want to continue using their e-mail software. It's only $10/year, which is worth it in my estimation.

I sent a couple of e-mails to a couple of potential speakers at an upcoming IIE meeting. I've been trying to chase down contact information for them for awhile. We want to get some people in to talk to us about what an IE does in "real life."

The most important thing I didn't get done, something I never figured I would, has to do with Graduate School applications. I'm afraid life is encroaching and time is very limited to do this at the present. And there's going to be quite a bit of time required to get all these things squared away. I have a feeling it'll come right down to the wire, I'll be hurrying, scurrying around with one week to go to the deadlines to get them sent off.

I thought the other day, maybe I should just apply to Cornell, for their PhD program, just to see if they'd admit me and allow me that option. But I don't know if I could articulate a strong motivation for that, being as I'm not too keen in taking that route at the present. I really wanted to apply there, but it looks as if they don't have the type of degree that I want. Either you enter a Master of Professional Studies-type program, a short one designed to train professional statisticians for industry, or an M.S. program that requires a commitment to pursue doctoral studies. Ah well.