You know the Frank Sinatra tune, New York, New York? What a great song. Boy, it just makes you want to head to the big city fast.

Interesting idea: a house with a net energy bill of $0. In a way, this is like the IAC on a mega-scale.

The thing about doctors is that they make big deals out of stuff when you don't want 'em too. But they have to, because for every person like me, there's probably 5 that would think ill of them if they didn't give them some sort of medicine to cure/help their current sickness/issue.

My left eye's been bothering me, enough to where I made an appointment with the eye doctor. Turns out it was just irritation caused by my contacts. So I need to spend a wad on glasses, but the good thing is that'll put some urgency into going shopping with mom, which I really need to do before school.

I can nearly always find something I'd rather do with my time than shop, though there comes a point when necessity becomes strong. I'm hoping to get a memory stick, a few clothes, glasses, that's about it. That should tide me over for a few months at the very least. Once in awhile I make a mad dash for Fred Meyer for some minor conveniences, but other than that, who needs shopping more than twice a year (once for Christmas)?

This will change, of course, when I begin to live by myself. Food will become the object of much shoppage I'm sure. Maybe I can find stuff that'll last for a long while so I don't have to shop even for for more than once ever 2 or 3 weeks.

This was sort of an unsettling day. We worked on our research project and mostly spun our wheels. We made progress only because we were working. At the IAC I didn't get much done partly because a key person I needed to call wasn't in. And I don't feel like I'm moving forward terribly smoothly in the Marshall application process. I'm getting there, it's just that I need a proposed programme of study that I'm happy with and passionate about because I need to convince the committee that it will help me and I'll be productive because of that academic program. It's hard, trying to hew out one from thousands of miles away.

Something about being on the loader at the pellet mill brings out the wonder about my life. It's incredible, with so many exciting things on the horizon, so many opportunities. I was talking to someone recently though, and we thought about how time slips away. It was an appropriate time to step back and think about whether what we're doing at this moment really matters. Where's life taking you?

I'm tired of my Marshall Essay. Got to get it done. My contact person at the University, he's sure being nice and patient.

I'm tired of my Marshall Essay. Got to get it done. My contact person at the University, he's sure being nice and patient.

A Student, Not a Singer

Rescue sent out an e-mail today, informing all of the applicants of the six finalists for their vocal position. A big weight lifted off my shoulders as my name was not on the list, though there certainly was some disappointment mixed in. This development allows me to sharpen my focus regarding my future.

Growth

Critique. Asking for help. Accountability.

They feel bad, awkward. They play with your pride. They make you feel small, make you want to rise up and say, "I can do it by myself," or "My way is better."

You look at a strong one, a seemingly perfect individual. You think, "Wow, that one never struggles, I wish I could be like him/her." Really, what you're saying is, "That one was born holy."

It's a common perception, and oh so human. It's like looking at an NFL running back and thinking, "Wow, he is in such good shape, I wish I had his physique." Really, what you're saying is, "That one was born ripped."

That way of thinking is wrong, though. If you see someone that seems to be all that (spiritually, physically), he/she is a) truly all that; or b) not as they appear. If it's a), you can bet that a ton of work went into it, a ton of discomfort, a ton of honestness with themselves and others. They've done things that didn't feel good, but in the end, when you look at them, all you see is where they're at now, and it looks good.

The key is to refuse to shrink away from things that will improve you, no matter how painful or uncomfortable the process is. Because it matters a whole lot more (whether a Christian or an aspiring workout buff) where you are going than where you are at this moment in time.

Short-Term Memory

You hear that there was strategy behind the U.S. seven-digit phone number system, and I believe it.

At the pellet mill, we have a scale that continuously weighs the pellets we're producing, and keeping a running tally of the days totals. Before too long, we're up in the six digit area, the hundred's of thousands of pounds. To get an idea of the rate we're producing at, we have to know the time and amount at one point in time, and then the time and amount a ways down the road. So that's six + four = 10 numbers to remember and write down.

So I look at the poundage tally. Ok, got it. 156,341. Then I look at the time, ok 10:21. Then I turn to write the poundage. By the time I write the poundage, I'm doing well if I can make a correct educated guess on the vague impression that was 10:21 in my mind. That fast, it's gone. My short-term memory can not hold ten numbers, at least in this context.

Security

In the first draft of my Marshall Scholarship essay, I listed some ways in which my Mennonite heritage has benefitted me, one of which was that it taught me "proper priorities." This implies that I have proper priorities.

Tonight I was thinking about my day today, how that it didn't go so well in some ways. Namely, I felt a bit beaten down in a meeting I was a part of. See, I have this inferiority complex about my chosen undergraduate discipline. It's a "dis"-able discipline, particularly by other engineering disciplines.

And so I take it a little personally. It's an ego thing, it's a thing about how important my intellect, my (perceived) intelligence, is to me. It's a security issue. I tried to think down to the heart of the issue, and I do believe it's a security issue. My security is wrapped up in people's perceptions of my intelligence, and really it's even worse than that because I don't even think people are meaning to imply anything to me personally when they jab my discipline. Perception, perception. It's like the mid-sized person looking into the mirror and seeing a fat individual. Perception. And so, I talked it out with God, and I feel better, though security issues are the type that keep popping up--sort of like pride--again and again. Then again, maybe they're one and the same, security and pride. At any rate, they're hard to lick.

Romance

It reads like a Francine Rivers novel, the book of Ruth. Well, it might if I were reading it in The Message. But man:

"Where you go, I will go..."

"Damsel."

"Maidens."

And that's before Ruth gets all bold and sneaks up on Boaz sleeping!

Camp

Obviously, I forgot to inform you folks that this was the weekend for Youth Camp. Some snapshots:

:: "Like a wolf." You folks know how it is with words and phrases that become vogue within a group that you're a part of, right? It happened a lot with the quartet, it happens with our youth group. "I'm hungry like a wolf!" "Your face is flushed, like a wolf!" "He was snoring like a wolf"! Etc. Or, remember that jingle for Chevy trucks: "Like a rock, ooooooh, like a rock!" Well guess what: "Like a wolf, ooooooh, like a wolf." I began a song entitled "Like a Wolf." It's about Christians who kick other Christians when they're down.

:: How many people do you know whose hearts are really, truly, and fully after God's?

:: Honesty is what makes a truly effective presentation of God and His principles. Craig Swartzentruber demonstrated that this weekend, sharing on the topic of "Fighting God's Way, Working God's Way, Living God's Way." He shared from his heart, from the Scriptures, about his experiences. Its power came from the fact that you just knew that it meant so much to him that he could be honest with us.

:: Just before I left to camp I had a conversation relating to this topic of how a Christian should relate to the society and government with one of my good friends and a buddy of his from Australia. Their perspective was one typical of most of Christianity today: sure, change hearts through the power of God, but we also have to fight for a society, a climate that fosters good, moral living. Additionally, in a perfect world we could live as Christ did, without compromise, but the reality is that to make a difference, to join the fray, we have to be courageous and throw ourselves into situations that may not have easy, cut-and-dried answers, situations that may force us to compromise for a greater good (i.e. be influential in a corporate setting who may involve themselves with gambling ventures; your influence may be able to sway the corporation against it, but then again, maybe it won't). Then camp, another perspective.

:: I slept in the "noisy" cabin, with people who have been known to pretty much go through the whole night sans sleep. it was pretty reasonable, though, I thought. No extremism in that way.

:: Wonderful signs in our youth group, I'm very encouraged. I'm encouraged because the signs are from the inside out, not the top down. God has spoken to people about the importance of accountability. Shoot, God has spoken to me about accountability, and accountability is one of the areas that has the potential to make the most positive difference in the life of the church.