This is how it feels to be free,
This is what it means to know that I am forgiven;
This is how it feels to be free,
To see that life can be more than I imagine.
This is how it feels to be free,
This is how it feels to be free, yeah.
-Phillips, Craig, & Dean

Another song that you have to hear to appreciate, but it's very relevant to me now. Think about not knowing how it feels to be free, really free.

And think about not having much of anyone.

Think about how much God is to you, what He provides in the way of security, assurance, and purpose.

Mm, I'm not explaining myself very well, but it'll have to do.

I played tennis with my buddy Will for 80-90 minutes tonight, and my calorie estimator says that at 172 pounds I burned 632 calories. I don't think I burned 632 calories, no way. It didn't seem like strenuous tennis.

When I perceive that I'm not included in some group that I thought/assumed/wished I was, that makes me insecure. Perception is one key. It doesn't have to be true, but if I feel it, I feel bad because I assume this perception means that this group doesn't think I'm interesting or doesn't consider me close enough to them to include me.

The other key is God. 'Cause lets say someone (or a group of people) collectively thought Byran Smucker was the biggest boring loser that they'd ever seen. Hmm, if that were true and I knew, it would be major crisis time. Actually, if that were true, maybe that would be a signal that something is wrong with me. But let's say they didn't think I was the biggest boring loser, but just a slightly boring geek. There you go, much more realistic. Not that I am! I don't like down-talk, remember. We're just posing hypotheticals.

Man, I keep trying to make a scenario where I can say, "it doesn't matter, all you have to do is worry about what God thinks of you." But if someone didn't like to hang with me because they didn't find me interesting, I think I have a problem. I need to be more in tune with what they think/like/care about, so I can develop a relationship with them.

Ok, here's one. Let's say someone didn't like to hang out with me because I didn't like to do the same things that they did (meet women at bars, for instance...that reminds me, one of my profs has this piece of advice he likes to throw out there: "Never marry a woman who hangs out at a bar"), then I could rest completely in God, never worrying about what others might think.

This post seems like a train wreck. How you doing Randy?

Randy's in Iowa seeing his girl.

I just took a step toward resolving my summer, and I need to document it.

I had a job offer with the Industrial Assessment Center that would include work starting at the end of the month and last until I graduated, including up to 30 hours during the summer. The pay is low, that's the downside. It's flexible and will work well with my research project. It also will give me good "mile wide, inch deep" engineering experience.

I had sent a resume in for a Manufacturing Engineering internship with a company in Portland. I haven't heard from them. They'd pay more, I'm sure. Probably less flexible, would give me a more in-depth manu engineering experience.

I didn't know whether to just take the IAC job, or wait and try to call the other company to see if they were going to be calling applicants soon.

I took the IAC job. The thing that pushed me over the edge was the fact that I'm not going to be a Manufacturing Engineer, so an ManuE internship won't be of huge career value to me. In a way, the IAC thing won't either, because in all likelihood I won't end up being an "engineer" at all, but the IAC will give me a breadth of engineering experience, which I don't presently have. It will expose me to many manufacturing environments, sharpen my writing/analytical/problem-solving skills, and might even have the potential for allowing me leadership experience. I feel good that this is the best choice.

Wow, the album is roaring to its production conclusion, at least from our end.

It's all mixed, mastered, ready from the audio end.

The graphics are almost there. The CD stuff is all done, barring last-last minute changes. The cassette stuff is just a little tweaking away, as well.

After it is given to the dupers, we have four weeks max before it's in our hands.

Nothing much to say. School feels more under control than it did last week.

Oh yeah, Monday night.

Monday night I went to a discussion between Dr. Marcus Borg and Dr. Gary Ferngren.

Borg's a well-known author, professor in the OSU Philosophy department, and Christian liberal ("an emerging paradigm Christian"), while Ferngren is a History prof and an evangelical Christian ("an earlier paradigm Christian"). Their topic was "How Christians Should Read the Bible" or something like that.

The good. It was interesting, Borg was funny. He's a very charismatic speaker.

The bad. I didn't like the way Borg set himself up as a Christian just like Ferngren, just with relatively minor differences. Borg doesn't believe in a literal resurrection, the inspired (or inerrant) word of God, or that Christ is the only way to heaven. He's not a Christian, unless the traditional definition is radically redefined. But he considers himself one, and wanted to emphasize that there the two were on the same side. I was disappointed that Ferngren didn't try to draw the lines a little more distinctly. But I can see where he's coming from on that.

The thought-provoking. Something Borg said. He was talking about how that the different, enduring relations of the world are different peoples' unique response to God and so are equally valid as religions that connect to that same God. He said, I can't believe, not that I don't just choose to believe, I can't believe that God would have revealed himself to only one part of the world, and we just happen to be so lucky that it was ours.

I've thought about this before, and it does trouble me. It's not fair. The 12th century Mongol just did not have the same chance to come to Christ as his British counterpart. He basically had no shot at all. Yeah, there are the standard answers (nature, God will reveal Himself to those that seek), and maybe those are the right ones, but it still doesn't seem like God.

One of those things rolling around in my mind right now.

Blogger updated themselves, lots of new templates, thus the new look. Unfortunately, when I chose the new look it took away my commenting function...

Hmm, just thinking now, I wonder if all those comments are lost forever. If they are, I'm sorry.

Happily, Blogger now hosts comments themselves, so when I get a little time, I'll put them up.

Honestly, I've found myself referring to "the real world" sometimes, and using it in such a way as to differentiate it from my present, academic life.

I'm trying my best to be a slacker in my history class, but it's hard!

But I think I've made a breakthrough. I'm turning in an assignment that is not well-done (due to not taking time in advance to prepare for it), and I'm feeling ok about it.

Engineers make things. Industrial Engineers make things better.

This is what I wrote for my "Teacher's Message" for Reflections, the Brownsville Mennonite School yearbook.


I wonder if one of the reasons living for Jesus is so challenging is that we must live in the moment but also with a sense of eternity.

The Bible says that our life is like a mist. Since our existence is so fragile, we need to cherish every moment as if it were our last. That means going about our business with purpose and enthusiasm. It means getting through music class with a smile on our face and a positive attitude even when your teacher makes you start a song again and again and again.

Sorry students. That was a low blow.

But wait. If we get completely wrapped up in how wonderful music class is, we’ll lose out on the most important perspective, which is living our life with purposeful sights set upon eternity. Music class, however glorious, is just a means to an end.

So how can you live in the moment and use that to live with eternity in mind? Or, more practically, how can you use what you’ve learned in school this year to make a difference for eternity?

If you can figure that out, you’ve accomplished something significant. In fact, learning how to honor God in whatever you are presently doing is one of the most important things you can learn, certainly far more critical than learning how to shape your ‘ah’ vowel correctly (though that is important!).

So let’s do that. Figure out how you can put to eternal use what you are learning.

Sunday was mostly good. There's a problem with Sunday's though. I get to bed too late and then I'm tired the next afternoon.

Our youth group isn't really the craziest around, normally. But we were about as crazy as we've ever been Sunday night after church.

Talk about a group that I'm completely comfortable with. And that I really, really like.

He woke up early, and suddenly realized he had forgotten to make some needed photocopies over the weekend. That meant leaving for school a few minutes earlier. But even in his hurry, he took time to retrieve the newspaper and hurriedly review it--the sports section at least.

But wait, there's a picture on the front page. A formal picture of a young man. "I know that guy...Chase Whitham." Whoa, whoa, what's a formal picture of Chase Whitham doing on the front page of the paper? No...

He looks at the accompanying headline, "Marist grad killed in Iraq."

"You're kidding. Chase, dead in Iraq? Oh my goodness."

They played basketball together growing up. Baseball. Chase smiled a lot, a good kid, a good athlete. Now he's dead. They don't know if it was an electrical accident or a mortar attack. He's dead.

Who knows what his body looks like now. Who knows what his last words were, his last thoughts. He's dead.

He was only 20 years old.

I feel sort of guilty. He's dead, I'm alive. He'd been in Iraq fighting for his country, I'm living a comfortable life going to a University. His mom just lost her son forever (at least in this life). My mother still has all of her children.

Oh, the tragedy of war. The awfulness of it all.

How you treat your brother when he wakes you up from a nap is how you’re going to treat your girlfriend!

Be afraid, Shelley, be very afraid.

I wrote this for a Writing 121 assignment years ago. It got full credit. My teacher said something like, "Just quirky enough to work."

Choose one word or term from your background. Define it and provide an example.

The word "precious" is an interesting word when used in the context of our family. This word means much more than just expressing the value of something. If you compare "precious" to it's strict dictionary definition, it means approximately the same thing as it would in the dictionary, but the uniqueness is not in the definition, but in the way it is used.

Two or three years back, my parents took a parenting course with some other couples from our general area. One of the things that they learned was that they should teach their children to consider their sibling's preciousness when disagreements and quarrels would arise. They emphasized this principle for a while, and then, like many other new things, it faded to the backburner where, for the most part, it lay dormant.
I can't even remember the specific example, but I started to use this word "precious" again.
My brother gets peeved at me from time to time, and he is quite vocal about it. So, when he expresses his displeasure to me, I, part sarcastically, part "do unto others," say something like, "Randy, you are so precious. You are more precious than (insert recent topic of conversation here)."
"Randy, you are so much more precious than that sunset. I mean, there's absolutely no comparison."
"Randy, you are soooo much more precious than the Oregon Ducks basketball team."
"Randy, do you know how precious you are? You are much more precious than these dishes I'm drying. It's not even close."
So, does he reciprocate these "compliments"? What do you think?
He says, "Byran, you're as precious as B.O."