In the ever-continuing quest to provide insight into my life and who I am, I will do what I have not often done before and directly address some by-log comments in the by-log proper. “Ag” posed the following questions to me, and I will do my best to answer them.
1. Are you desperate?
No. “Desperate” is an adjective that would do a very poor job of describing me right now. Desperation, it seems to me, can be closely linked to passion. Unfortunately, “passionate” is another adjective that wouldn’t be very descriptive of me at in the last few months. Sometimes desperation is good.
But no, “Ag”, I’m not desperate.
2. Can you type with your toes?
No, ma’am.
3. Did you ever try? (quesion 2)
No, ma’am.
4. What is your idea of a dream date? (I love to ask people that quesion!)
Golf in the afternoon, eat in the evening. I just love the idea of golfing as a date. If she doesn’t know how, then I get to be the hero and teach her. If she does know how, great, what better time to get to know her than a leisurely afternoon on the golf course? But it would have to be a twosome, for sure.
5. French fries or onion rings?
I sort of like onion rings now, and they are formed in the shape of eternity, but I’ll say french fries.
6. Chocolate or vanilla?
Ok, Ag, this is beginning to sound like an e-mail forward a person gets sent. I like them, though, so I’ll have to say context, baby, it’s all about the context. Leaning toward ‘nilla, yo. ‘Sup?
7. What song do you completely lose yourself in? You know, like you are totally GONE and forget about yourself. That's where the whole "drowning in the music comes in.
I just keep thinking about the Chris Rice song, Smile. I almost go to pieces thinking about it. The lyrics themselves don’t do the experience justice, and I’ve quoted them here before, but I’ll do it again.
I just wanna be with you.
Just want this waiting to be over.
I just wanna be with you.
And it helps to know the day is getting closer.
But every minute takes an hour,
Every inch feels like a mile,
Till I won’t have to imagine
And I’ll finally get to see you smile!
I can almost cry when I hear that song, or even think about it very much.
And the guy, Chris Rice, just makes so much sense. I hope this link is good for awhile, because it’s a great article, and it lets you know where he’s coming from, and I love it.
8. Can Tom really cook?
Yes! He made some mean toasted-cheese sandwiches (even though he did something unthinkable in serving food to guests without even a drop of ketchup anywhere in his apartment) when I was recently at his house. And the sausages weren’t bad either.
9. Would you rather have people call your laugh a giggle or an exuberant snort?
It’s not an exuberant snort. It’s a “cute” laugh. But I guess I’d rather them call it an exuberant snort. I guess.
10. Do you floss?
No, not regularly.
11. What is your dream vacation?
I’d like to go on a cruise, but really I’d like to go to a condo somewhere—most anywhere that’s pleasant—and just hang out and do nothing besides thinking and sitting around. Then, if I had enough of that, I’d go out and golf or run or play tennis, and then come back and think and write and watch a good movie. Do that for 1-2 weeks. I don’t care if there would be others with me, as long as they had the same mindset.
12. If you could live anywhere in the world that you could, where would you choose?
A difficult question to answer, because there are no parameters given. If a time limit is imposed, say 2 years, then there are lots of places I’d like to try. Namely, most anywhere in western Europe.
13. Answer a question that I didn't ask.
1. The wonder and intricacy of Creation confirms to me that there is truly a God.
2. The historical fact of the resurrection confirms to me that Jesus is God and Christianity is true.
This is a paraphrased version of an answer I gave to a question fellow Blogger blogger (get it?) Darin posted on his site: what stabilizes your Christian life?
14. What is it about women that is mysterious?
I don’t think there is just one thing, but men and women, as a rule, just approach stuff differently. Men are often completely baffled—and I say this from personal experience as well as what I’ve heard from others—by how women approach relational issues. It doesn’t make sense to us, it seems so much more complicated than it needs to be.
Generalizations, to be sure. I haven’t figured out if all women are like this to some extent or just some of them.
15. Is having a "fertile mind" a good thing?
Most certainly.
posted by Byran @ 1:18 AM
37 comments
37 Comments:
I know I'm walking upon 33 degree ice, yet I blunder unwisely on. My brother Jeff was saying yesterday how that if he calls his wife to see how her day is going and she says, "Okay?" (with a reservation), he has to probe until she tells him what's wrong. Isn't that a rather flaky way to tells your husband what's wrong? Maybe we guys don't like to let things out either... I don't know.
I'm glad your brother has figured that out. I hope he goes to the trouble of probing. It's hard for us to get started sometimes.
Crystal
First of all, I wish we could all be sitting in the Good's living room in SoBo drinking iced tea for this one, but since we're not and I can't see your faces or hear your voice inflections, I suppose I shall just have to settle for the comments.
Sometimes I wonder if we understand what occurred for men and women at the Fall. What makes men so afraid to lead and what makes women so fearful of being led? What causes men to choose passivity in the most important areas of life like spiritual warfare and alertness for battle and what causes women to choose assertion and controlling manipulation to protect themselves?
I think for women (and the Lord has really been dealing with me on this one) is that men in our lives (be they fathers, brothers, relatives, friends) have not come thru in providing protection and caring for our hearts. When a woman experiences pain she remembers it and often vows to not let that happen again. Then the walls go up and the little games start that hide our hearts and don't let the wounded places be wounded again. But it doesn't always work too well, and we keep being wounded and we keep putting up walls and blah!! So what I started realizing was that those walls were affecting my relationship with God. I knew He would come thru for me in certain ways but there were some areas that I just wasn't sure. So I wasn't giving Him permission to care for my heart. My time at SMBI was a big eye-opener. Now, I'm daily amazed at how trusting God to care for my heart has made me so much more free to relate openly and honestly to the men and women in my life.
I'm sure this was probably not what anyone was expecting, but there it is for any value you can gain from it.
Merry
All those awsome Q's, and only that one has any discussion so far..... Lauren
Discuss away, my dear. :-)
Merry
c'mon. anyone who asks that many questions on someone eles's blog should get there own blog.
rande
Anybody that has a blog should update it more than once a week.
Tom
Byran, about Chris Rice -- I've always appreciated his perspective and his lyrics even though I don't care for his style of music. "The Smell of the Color Nine" was pretty cool. But I checked out that link and was rather impressed. You're right; good article.
Merry
About "cooking" a mean grillled cheese sandwich -- have you ever tried a grilled cheese with a lavish layer of honey on top?
Merry
No Merry, I don't think it would go well with ketchup.
so what is your dream date ag? and with who? hey it's only fair that you answer your own questions. and sorry it can't be with me cuz i'm already dating:)
rande
Rande, you're too funny. :-)
And By, forget the ketchup....BTW, are you a big ketchup fan?
Merry
You haven't put that together yet, Merry?
Crystal
Oh Miss Crys, may I ask you the same question but in reference to myself? Like, I think so much about "big" things that I miss "small" ones. :-)
Merry
I'm a huge ketchup fan.
Merry, I'd love to see the list of big things you know about me, and little things you've missed. Not here, of course!
Crystal
By, like, ketchup on icecream?
Merry
No ketchup on ice cream.
Rande, chances are you may never see this. I just now read your question about my dream date. Too bad you're dating, you could help that dream become reality. Oh sob.
My dream date? Well, NEVER golf. Oh croak that's boring. But bless your brother's ticker. I have a sister that adores golf. I personally, can't even stand the thought of thinking about golfing. In fact, you should see me mini golf! It's a very scary thing!
When I picture my dream date, I picture a variety of locations. Maybe overlooking the ocean with the waves swelling, crashing in the background. Maybe an open field with the sun, the wind, the gentle aroma of earth surrounding. Maybe in a densely wooded area beside a small, rippling brook. Maybe on a backporch swing at sunset.
The location wouldn't really matter. He would have his guitar, I pen and parchment. And we would write, and we would sing. We would compose songs of our love. And then we would sit, no words necessary, as he gently strums a haunting melody. The moment is pure magic. Our spirits soar heavenward, together. He picks up his guitar, takes me by the hand, and walks me home.
THAT my friend, is a dream date! Sorry you are not avaliable. :)
Ag
Oh, you could like try it with your girlfriend. Actually don't. The most romantic things in the world are original! Reading "How To" manuals on romance spoil the effect.
Like my cousin for instance. She married the sweetest man alive several months ago. They are young and just starting up, so money is tight. He goes to show that it doesn't take money to be romantic. He does the dearest things! For her twenty-fourth birthday he gave her one large gift, which she opened, and in it were twenty-four small gifts for her to open over the next twenty-four days. And they were the simplest gifts. For instance, one day she opened a gift which turned out to be a bag of her favorite chocolate. Simple things. But the meaning behind those gifts spoke volumes! There was thought and effort, and with the gifts he gave her, you could tell he "noticed". He picked up on the little things. He is so enamored with her, so in love with her, that he notices even the smallest details of her life.
Yes, originality is very romantic!
Hey, it's kind of fun commenting where you think no one will find you. Ha, I like this. I may just merrily cruise through old blogs and comment to my hearts content, sometimes.
Ag
Oh, and I missed your one question.
"With who?" Believe me when I say no one comes to mind. I can't imagine being in love with any guy I know.
But, I can create an illusion for the sake of the "perfect date" setting.
He would obviously have to play guitar. But if he doesn't, he would have to sing! That's a given. He would be passionate about life, about the Lord. He would be gentle, but fun. He wouldn't have to be cute. I'm not all that cracked over cute guys. I mean, really, who cares? Well, how about everyone. I think it's ridiculous. If you marry "cute", "cute" is all you've got! Anyhow, I have always said that after you get to know a person,their appearance changes to you. Beauty is all in the eye of the beholder. I have seen guys that I thought were cute, that were jerks, and honey, cute flies out the window real fast! But on the other hand, I know this guy that the first time I met him, I was not at all "struck" by his physical appearance. But I've gotten to know him, and he is so godly, and such a great guy. Now I think he's adorable. So, the guy in the "perfect date" scene doesn't have to be cute. But he needs long hair! I LOVE hair! Not long hair as in down to his waist or shoulder blader or anything that extreme. That disgusting. But long as in over the collar long.
Well, now that I've gotten onto hair I've totally lost my train of thought. I was chugging for a minute there. Oh well.
Ag
WOOOOOOOWWWW! I've got to start proof-reading! I'm going to get myself in trouble yet. I just read what I wrote and began to wheeze with laughter! The word is BLADES! Shoulder BLADES!
Ag
Another thing about cute guys while I'm thinking about it.
I think it's disgusting how a cute guy shows up and 500 girls go all gaa-gaa over him. Perhaps I'm proud, well, make that, I know I'm proud, but I hold myself as far away from that as possible, because I simply refuse to be another number.
And, most cute guys have egos the size of Mount Everest. In a sense, it's not there fault. Girls lead them to it. So, it is a two-way street.
Sometimes I'm not nice to cute guys. I stick my nose in the air and let them know that I don't think they are hotter than life itself. I'm working on that attitude!
Because we do not pick or decide how our physical characteristics are going to be. I think it's important to work with what we have and make the temple of the Holy Spirit attractive and presentable. That is more important to me than "cute".
And what is it with guys and the word "cute". One of my friends told me the other day that he would HATE if a girl would come up to him and tell him how cute he is. "Men are not cute", he stated emphatically, "They are 'handsome'". I beg to differ. But, truth be told he'd blow up like a balloon if a girl would walk up to him and in all earnest sincerity told him he's cute!
Ag
Oh, and Rande, something else on the "it's too bad that I'm taken" bit. How old are you? You are probably too young anyhow. Hmm. Yeah, you seem a bit wet behind the ears. I'd probably feel like your mother or something. Naaaah. It would never have worked anyways. So, you better just stick with watcha got. :)
Ag
hehe...funny stuff ag, i laughed when i read your comments. i'll write more later. i should get some sleep. i especially like the part about me prob. being too young to date cuz i'm wet behind the ears. thats classic...don't worry i'm a mature 20:) lol...well, it prob. depends who you ask. don't ask tom... or by... or anyone that knows me...wait, ok so maybe i'm not mature, but Jesus still loves me...
rande
"A mature twenty", he says. Hmm. Is that humanly possible? I mean in my mind, you're practically a baby. But that's okay, because I think babies are adorable. They are so easy to love. Hey, you are chalking up points here. Just ask your girlfriend. I bet that's why she's dating you. It's that mothering instinct. You know how girls are when they see a baby. They get all doe-eyed and say such ridiculous things like, "a goosey, goosey, goo-goo, kootsie, kootsie". Um, I have to ask. Is that what your lady did the first time she saw you?
Ag
no actually thats not what she said the first time she saw me. she did throw a snowball at me though...actually we became really good friends before we dated, through email. i have over a hundred if not hundreds of "e"s from her. it was the best. i was obsessed with checking my email to see if i'd gotten an email from shelley. she never said gogogaga...or whatever you said...i'll have to ask her if she's dating me cuz she wants to feel-how'd you put that?-motherly?? something inside me tells me...thats not the reason, however, i could be wrong:)
You'd better find out man!
That is really sweet. People are more honest in writing. Maybe not more honest, but more open. I think part of the reason for that is because you have time to think through your thoughts. When you are in front of a person, you don't have time to process and analyze everything that is going on through your mind. I need time to process. Sometimes anyway. I really have a big mouth. I don't process enough when I write either. I get caught up in the moment and whatever I am thinking comes out. That's not always a bad thing, just most of the time. I am entirely too spontaneous! And it gets me into trouble ALL THE TIME! I am learning though. S-L-O-W-L-Y. Very slowly. But hey, "Jesus loves me". :)
Ag
I am changing my mind. I think my dream date is dancing in the moonlight.
Ag
I want to "date" God. I mean, why not? Why wait to do these things until there is a man in my life when I can do them right now with the most passionate lover I'll ever have.
We can sit together, and compose songs of our love. We can walk hand-in-hand down the highway of life. He can sing over me. I can whisper my adoration to Him. I can sing my heart to Him, telling him everything that He is to me. The song will never end. I can step outside fall into his arms, and we can dance in the moonlight.
I think I'm going on a date tonight!
Ag
I post for myself.
The dance is beginning. I sat on the side-lines for a long time. I used to dance. I was swept away in the loving arms of my Savior. But somewhere that changed. I withdrew. I pulled back. I drew back to the place where I only watched the dance and heard the music. I longed to be a part of it again. I didn't know how. There seemed to be too much in my way. I tried going back to how it used to be. I tried the old steps. My feet couldn't find the pattern. My body couldn't find the rhythm. My heart couldn't find the passion. An incredible sense of frustration became a part of my daily existence. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I wondered why something that was once so easy, so effortless, had become so difficult. I wondered if my partner cared anymore. Why should he? I was the one that walked away.
Everything is changing. The music pulls me. My feet begin to move to the beat. My heart is full. His hands are outstretched. I reach out, a bit hesitantly. I don't know this dance. I have never heard this music. It has all changed. He leads me out in the middle of the dance floor. His arms are locked around me. I don't know the steps. I don't need to. He leads me. I follow. This is a new dance.
I realize now that I cannot go back. I cannot relive what I was. But there is more. So much more. This dance is more intricate, the music more alive, the steps more difficult. Sometimes I am afraid. I am afraid that I will mistep. I am afraid that I will swing right when I should swing left. He tells me not to worry. He tells me to surrender. He tells me to feel the music.
He leads. I follow.
And the dance continues. Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute.I keep missing steps. I become frustrated with my imperfection. Sometimes I feel as though I am just in the way. He pulls me closer. He tells me that perfection is not what He requires. All that I need to have to participate in the dance of a lifetime is a willing heart. That can be hard to accept. Sometimes I become consciously aware of the onlookers. They watch. They seem to take notes. Sometimes that intimidates me. He reminds me that I dance for Him and no other. And so, it doesn't matter what they see. It doesn't matter if they misinterpret my dance. All that matters is that I keep my eyes fixed on His face. All that matters is that I am willing.
Regardless of what people say, regardless of what people see, regardless of how I feel, regardless of how often I miss the steps, He still wants to dance.
Ag
Tears fill my eyes. I feel it. I really feel it. It is as though a heavy fog draped over me was suddenly lifted. I fought the fog. I couldn't see. I felt the heaviness. I couldn't shake it off. But, that's not my job. That's God's job.
Ag
And so, it comes and it goes. There are times when I feel the music and move with it. And then, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I'm dancing, and then I'm not. I don't know what I've done wrong. Did I pull away? I never mean to. Did He pull back? Why?
Why?
Why?
Why can't I find a level place with a consistent balance? Why this drawing close and pulling away? It feels like a game. The game exhausts me. And sometimes I wonder who I am or what I think I'm doing to even try. I just can't seem to get it together.
I just need time. Time to sort out. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. Everything is a blur.
I long to come to a point where everything in this great dance of life is clear. For so long, a haze has come and gone. Sometimes there is clarity, I cannot see or feel anything. Sometimes I am confused. Confused by the confusion. Sometimes I am afraid; afraid of myself, afraid to desire anything. No, I desire more. That is deeply engraved withing me. I can't get away from it. So I try to hide it in a little corner of my heart and pretend it's not there. But it always rears up at the most unexpected times. Like now.
And I
Just
Want
More.
Ag
It's a funny thing you know, this life of mine. I read these comments that I made what seems like so long ago, and they are still the words of my heart. They made me weep. I still feel them in many different ways.
Is life complicated or do I make it such? I long for more, so much more than what I am living. I have issues with people who are always crying the blues and speaking of how unfair life is because to a degree, life is what you make of it. But then on the other hand, sometimes we do not have the choice, in fact, we never have the choice of what life gives us. We only have the choice of how we respond. Maybe I just don't respond so well. My life is wearisome and I don't think it should be, I just don't know what to do about it.
Then I ask myself if I am really open to God. I say I want his will, but I have all these restrictions. I want his will, PLUS my own agenda. Am I willing to yield, completely? It's tough! Am I willing to yield myself to milking cows all my life if that is his will? Ouch! That hurts! How far am I willing to yield. Can I give all of me and honestly say, "thy will be done..."? Am I willing to change my steps to match his? If I don't, I will never dance........
I am but a foolish child!
Ag
Ag, I like your idea of going through old blogs and commenting. :) That sounds like fun!!!!:)
--Delia
Hey Brian, I wasnt previously a blogger or anything, but I stumbled onto this when searching for lyrics to the Chris Rice song Smile, which you have in this article. I totally see where your comming from. The moment I heard this song, now several years ago, I was completely enthralled, and I dont cry often but it made me do so long before the song was even over. I guess I know it was written in terms of love for God, but I also see it in terms of the love I have for my wife whom I have yet to find. The song descibes the emotions I carry with me almost perfectly.
Steve
Post a Comment
<< Home