My gut feeling is that I wouldn't look good in yellow.

I was a physics tutor once, for a term.

It was pretty much doomed from the start, because at Linn-Benton Community College there is this guy Dave Mack who's a physics whiz and he has a physics help desk and group sessions and most everybody loves him and considers him a lifesaver.

But the tutor coordinator had ideas of people coming and these tutoring sessions becoming wonderful experiences of group-oriented learning. But it didn't happen.

A few people came, sometimes. Sometimes no one showed up. A few times there may have been 3 or 4 or 5, but overall it wasn't particularly successful. And, I'm no Dave Mack. I did the best I could, I had solutions to their Homework problems, but comparing me to the other guy, no question who was more competent.

Here's the punch line. I think it was near the end of the term when questionnaires were handed out asking them to comment and respond to these sessions. Well, we got them back and whoa. A few of them said I was rude and nasty and not helpful and Dave Mack was way better, just crazy mean stuff that I couldn't figure out. The stuff about me being rude, what? I had no idea what they were talking about.

It was strange to be on the receiving end of an anonymous evaluations like that. Many professors and instructors probably get that all the time.

When you put lots of "and's" in a long sentence it gives the sentence a breathless feel.

I've been thinking about this idea of rebuking evil lately. I came the closest I have here at school to asking a guy if he needed to use that kind of language, but as I was sitting there I was thinking how it would come across. There's absolutely no way to say something like that, while being firm and unapologetic, without tensions being aroused.

To actually challenge a cusser to his face, even doing so in a polite manner, is inviting conflict.

There is a balance in this. I firmly believe you can't go "holier-than-thou" on people and constantly "yell" at them to stop doing this or that because it will drive them from you and that's the last thing you want. However, we must speak out for the truth and right when it's being trampled on.

I've got a feeling, however, that simply asking someone to stop using foul language is not going to alienate them from you. "Simply asking someone to stop usig foul language." That makes it sound easy but it's not, in my experience.

Three finals down, one to go. The worst is definitely behind me, and the worst may not be as bad as first imagined.

I'm not a big fan of economics. In fact, don't count me a fan at all. This is slightly bothersome, because it is an important topic in Industrial Engineering. And stranger than that, it involves some nice mathematics, which would normally predispose me to enjoying the subject. So I'm not sure what's up. I could blame the teacher, maybe, but that's sort of stupid.

I'll tell you who should have a blog for sure: my cousin Kevin Birky. That guy is hilarious.

So, let's transition to a longing of my heart.

I desire to be a person known for loving Jesus. I have this vision in my mind of being so dedicated to Christ that before knowing me long people will realize that "hey, he's the guy that loves God."

But I feel so inhibited. Either I'm scared and uncomfortable with the subject, or I'm afraid of how I'll come across (not as a gracious, loving, Christ-like person, but as a condemning, negative one), or meaningful subjects just don't come up.

Basically, I cry to be like Christ. That's how he was. Most everyone he contacted knew, in a limited way at least, what He was all about. And that's what He went around doing, helping people, speaking to their needs. Sure, there was a grander, more epic plan in the works, but in a day-to-day practical way, he was all about...who He was.

But I get frustrated sometimes because it doesn't happen. Am I doing something wrong? I know what I want to do, I'm dissatisfied with how things are, but I don't know how to change it. I've tried to force it before, and I've fallen flat on my face. At least it's felt like it.

Ah yes.

That's more like it. A test that holds no secrets. One that holds no monsters waiting to crush me, one that holds no problems that dominate me.

It's a lot better to dominate the problems.

Not perfect, but doable. Doable, that's what I like.

This is raw.

I just finished my first final and it did not go well.

I've thought about this before, about how small a difference there is between an A and a C on an exam for me.

If a test is difficult, there will be at least one problem that at first glance looks "oh my, where did that come from...I have no clue!" The difference between a 94 and a 74 is whether you get a bolt of inspiration that allows you to solve the problem. Fortunately for me, that usually happens. Usually if I stare at a problem long enough, start writing, and...yes, that's right, oh yeah, that's it! And off I go. That didn't happen today.

He threw us a practially unhittable pitch--we're talking a Randy Johnson slider or Trevor Hoffman splitter here. Just a crazy problem with multiple twists that I still have no idea how to solve.

Word of caution to Byran: I think the rest of the class had trouble with it too.

Second word of caution: when something like this happens, you tend to underestimate your performance.

So it might not be as bad as I think, but wow, it seems pretty brutal right now.

I'm sick and it's finals week. I shouldn't be here at school.

I have so many fond memories of Christmas at Grandpa and Grandma’s. Cousins and food and games and more food and good-natured ribbing and pente. But now it’s different. Cousins have left, no one’s there to play games, the ribbing lacks force because it’s just dad and Mike, not dad, Mike, and Darrell. I'm sort of sad about it.

Simply giving Scripture a cursory reading and no more is like taking voice lessons and never practicing.

I’m convinced. The BCS has to go. Now that I’ve made such an absolute statement, let me waffle on it. Let’s put it this way: if you want a true national champion in college football, they simply must implement some sort of tournament structure. But there are inherent disadvantages in even the most ingeniously devised playoff system. One of the charms of college football is the weekly importance of the games. You lose one and you could be out. But if you had a playoff, you could lose one or even two games and still have a chance at the end. Maybe that’s better, but to me either method has flaws.

I’m a baritone right now. I must say, it’s sort of nice to be able to have a sick voice and not have to worry about how it’s going to affect the next rehearsal or program. Overall, I’m enjoying the freedom that I feel not singing with AHQ. Taking a break for a little while shows me how much of a priority it was (and will be if/when we get back together), specifically in regards to my schooling and career.