Some of you like Southern Gospel, some of you don't. BUT, like it or not, it's a genre to which AHQ is often linked, and rightfully so. Our roots are planted solidly in that style, and though we do different stuff, it's still an important part of our repertoire.

That being said, we've been invited to a huge Southern Gospel concert in North Carolina. We've gotten acquainted with some of the Inspirations Quartet and they have officially invited us to Singing in the Smokies on July 4, 2004. They get some of the biggest names in the industry to come to this concert, and the size of this concert will be completely uncharted territory for us. I can hardly imagine what I'll be feeling like when it's five minutes until we walk out on stage. Oh yeah, it's not really a done deal quite yet, I don't think we've officially given them our word, but it's looking very promising.

Perhaps embarrassment is directly related to how secure a person is. So if a person is very insecure, they get flustered and embarrassed easily. And if you are a secure person, you have a healthy sense of yourself and that if you do something really stupid, you're not really humiliated because you know that what you do doesn't ultimately affect your worth. But that seems a little too simple. There are plenty of insecure people who cover up their insecurities like an undercover agent. Oh, I think I'm definitely oversimplifying this.

Ok, so another writing idiosyncrasy of mine that I have identified is that I love to begin paragraphs with "Ok, so..." It just feels so conversational and casual. I love doing it.

On Embarrassment, My Day, and Instant Oatmeal

I’ve thought about this idea quite a bit, and I don’t think I really understand it. I’ve almost come to the conclusion that it’s a choice. So I do something that’s stupid, or “embarrassing,” and because I’m composed enough I don’t let it bother me--or if it bothers me I try not to let it show. It’s interesting how this has developed in me over the years. I find myself in situations that surely would have caused me to lose it a little bit in times past, but I just sort of bluff my way through. I don’t know if it’s just growing up, feeling more comfortable with myself, becoming more socially apt, or just becoming less sensitive (in a bad way).

But then—and if I ever bring this up in Kon’s presence he’s sure to point this out—there seems to be times when a person should get embarrassed. Like embarrassment is almost a God-given sign to us that somehow shouts to us that we’ve crossed a line of proper conduct. Like when I accidentally started to walk off with a calendar at the mall. Without paying.

I’m trying to think of the last time I was really embarrassed. The thing is, I’m conditioned to try to get through embarrassing situations saving as much face as possible. You know, it may be crazy embarrassing but I try not to let it show. Does that mean I’m really not getting embarrassed? Is that good? Not sure.

But I do know it’s good to laugh at yourself. That’s a must. But like I said at the outset, I don’t really understand it.

Had a good day today, by the way. Got to play basketball at the Rec Center for the first time since the spring (1004 calories, gone-o).

So tomorrow, time permitting, I’m going to develop this thought about embarrassment and how it relates to relating to people. And also, there’s some really exciting (to us) stuff going down regarding AHQ.

Whoo-hoo…

I’m getting a little tired of Instant Oatmeal.

We’re going to do the trio practicing thing again tonight. Not the funnest thing, but very helpful. If David’s practicing his music on the road then we might be sitting almost ok on the recording side of things. And this whole experience will really make me appreciate complete, 4-part harmony. We’ve got one song (Sweet Fellowship) done, or very close to it. And then there’s I’ll Live Again. I was over at Tom’s last night and we were messing around with the ending. Whoa, dude, we really messed around with the ending. Maybe too crazy to make it onto the CD, I’m honestly not sure.

Ok, so the “office” that I hang out (work) in is very loud, because although it’s an enclosed space, it’s certainly not soundproof and there is a lot of very aurally assaulting equipment running in the vicinity. So talking on the land line phone—which is a quiet connection anyway—can be a challenge. Someone called today and I could not understand what he was trying to say. He was talking perfectly clearly, maybe even sort of loud, but I couldn’t hear him. It was embarrassing, because when I finally figured out what he said initially (he had to say it three times) he asked another question, so I ended up just saying “Uh, I’m not the one to talk to about this…” and I think he was more than happy to say, “Ok, have a nice day.”

I think it’s very obvious that what Samson did wasn’t intelligent. Stupid, to be blunt about it. How much of this reflected his mental capacity and how much of it just showed that he was intoxicated by Delilah? From a disattached distance, it seems unlikely that this intoxication would overrule the instinct to live. But yeah, I can sort of see how if the woman you loved or were infatuated with, if she desperately wanted something from you, I can see that it would be real hard not to give it to her. Wasn’t that a masterpiece of a sentence? Read it again. It’s like two steps forward and one step back. Anyhoo, this is not an excuse for Samson, but it was probably a contributing factor to his elevator-making-it-only-halfway-up moment.

I'm wery tired, said Mr. Weller.

Read Dickens.

There's more to say about Samson (The Power of a Woman), but as I said I'm wery tired.

Samson must have been a classic case of lots of brawn and very little brain. Either that or we don’t have all the information.

So he falls like a rotten tree for this heathen woman Delilah. The Philistines get her to try to charm his secret out of him, and he gives her the run-around three times. But here’s the thing, each of the three times when she tied him up or braided his hair the Philistines came rushing in! This would be a clue to Samson that maybe they wanted to capture him. I don’t think they were clamoring in to watch him flex his muscles. So putting just the most basic mathematical sum together should have told him that Delilah was attempting to bring him down. So what does he do, he tells her his secret. It’s true that this time they weren’t waiting directly outside, so maybe he felt safe. But he still comes off very suspect mentally in the whole situation.

And man, for being a judge of Israel he sure set a sordid example.

I worked today, which makes perfect sense since it’s Labor Day.

There are a lot of relatives in the vicinity right now, so we’re having a big family barbeque. Should be fun. I generally enjoy these things, though they can drag at times. It shouldn’t be too bad, Rosie and Phil will be there to keep things lively.

Something really refreshing happened last night. My brother and I got into a yelling match with a friend. We were arguing about football, and Randy and I were on one side, and Ben was on the other. I kind of felt sorry for him, because when you're in an argument as loud as ours was, it kinda helps to have the extra volume.

Now, we weren't angry at one another. We all just disagreed, and boy we sure got our disagreements out on the table. It was an absolute joy to shout out your points at the top of your lungs while other people were trying to talk and yelling just as loud. It sounds chaotic, but it was strangely releasing.

I wouldn't argue in this manner with everyone. You have to know whom you are talking with and whether they appreciate this kind of communication. We agreed afterward that it was a great time.

If the subject of the argument was a serious issue, I don't think the yelling would have been the way to resolve it. But as an exercise in fellowship and bonding, it was a wonderful time.

Talk about a wonderful time, that's what living for God is. He gives me such joy! Oh it's great.

Ok, this is sort of embarrassing. It’s always embarrassing when you don’t “get” a joke. Zits, ink outage, so I didn’t get it, it wasn’t funny. Now I get it. They’re playing off of the recent power outage in the east. They’re making jokes about “the great ink outage of ‘89” and stuff. That was actually sort of funny.

Why are there so many countries that hate America? Most of the truly passionate hating is done by Moslem counties like Pakistan, Iraq, and Afghanistan, but there’s even a real dislike up the U.S. in many European countries. It’s an interesting question, because our government is very clear that they want the best for the world, that they are promoting freedom and pursuing the bad guys wherever possible. So why would people hate America because of that?

I wonder how much of the dislike is jealousy. I think this may be true of the European countries more than the Moslem ones. Like France, historically they were a world power, but now their influence has waned substantially. The U.S. is the strongest power in the world and lately we haven’t been slow to show that fact. That, along with the perception that America is just a big bully unilaterally doing whatever she sees is best for herself, breeds jealousy and anger. I’m sure it’s much more complex, but that’s got to be part of it.

I think the attitudes of Moslem countries also are very complex. But part of it is the perception that the U.S. is really in it for their own best interests and the “free Iraq” reason and the “we’ll hunt down terrorists” reason is just covering up the imperialistic tendencies (especially when it comes to oil) of the U.S.

So why am I writing about international politics? I have no idea, because I really know next to nothing about the subject. It was just something I thought of.

Do you ever find yourself just talking? It’s a bad feeling when you really don’t have an idea of where your verbal path is taking you. It’s like when you’re running downhill so fast you are getting out of control and could completely lose it at any moment. That’s sort of how I feel giving directions. I can hardly tell truck drivers how to drive around the building so we can load them. It’s bad.