Psalm 9:11b: ...declare among the people his doings

Dear dudes, folks, and other dignitaries,

Here’s some stuff I wrote one night when I was in the throes of feeling bad about going to SMBI.

“You know God, I just don’t know. I just don’t know. All I know is that I felt pretty confident that you were in this leading me to go to Bible School and China back then. I remember exclaiming to Merry how that you just worked it out so nicely that I could study Chinese culture, since I was going to be going over there. What is that? What is this? I don’t understand. It’s not life or death I know. But what makes sense? This doesn’t. I know that we have to do some things sometimes that don’t make sense, but I don’t even know if this is what I’m supposed to do. That’s the problem.

“But what can I do? Since I was thinking you were speaking back then, and I don’t hear you speaking clearly to change that, what can I do? …

“Unless. Unless you make it clear to me that you don’t want me to go to Bible School at all. Or maybe that you want me to go to China too. If that’s the case it’s all messed up.

“So God, I just ask you, I just plead with you, show me what you want. Show ME WHAT YOU WANT! Please. The thought of anger has crossed my mind. I hate all these constraints. The constraint of wanting to please everybody, being afraid of what they’ll think if I change my mind. The constraint of decisions in the pass (sic) setting the course for my future. I’m so not at peace about this. People say that in times like these eventually they’ll be struck by a sense of peace about the whole thing. I so don’t have that…

Wow, those were tough days, but it's like the mountains that I was being forced to run up have been replaced by a flat road that I only have to walk down.

Still decisions and twist--always--but I know it'll be interesting. Even if I messed up on that stupid test!